Bollywood 2015 – A short review

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2015 will be remembered when Bollywood set new records. From mega crapbuster, 500+ cr earning, MSG to the super sanskari Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, all went ahead to set new records. While filmmakers tried their best to make this year known for quality cinema, it was Pahlaj Nihlani who set a new milestone with his Modi fanboy short film. Seriously, the extent to which Mr. Nihlani went to get this video made it only missed a couple of shots from the Mars Rover exploring the planet’s surface in its all glory. While he was at it I’d recommend him to steal a few shots from Martian and my personal favorite Gravity if he is planning a sequel.

Coming down to a few notable movies that came out this year, here is a short review.

Ek Paheli Leela:

‘Yaar ek bhi dhang ka scene nahi tha.’

‘Wo to net pe dekh lenge.’

This is what I overheard while stepping out of the theater. I know it is unbelievable that I went to watch a Sunny Leone movie in theaters and there were two more guys sitting in there. For the record, there were a few couples making out in corner seats while an uncle slept in all his glory.
Coming back to the movie, the movie was probably a tutorial on how to make a porn movie without making it look like a porn. Sunny Leone’s characters takes a few shots of vodka in London and then she wakes up in India. Because, according to Bollywood there is no difference between Magic Mushrooms and Alcohol.

Alone: The entire plot was based on finding out who killed whom. The audience is made to believe that the nerd sister killed the hot sister but we later find out that the hot sister killed the nerd sister but in reality it was the hot sister pretending to be nerd sister who killed her nerd sister. Did you get anything? Now imagine me sitting through the movie. Yeah.

Angry Indian Goddesses: So a couple of dialogues and scenes were censored for obscene dialogues and shots. After burning a 250 bucks sized hole in my wallet, I cursed the censor board for not banning the entire movie. Who the fuck called it a female version of Dil Chahta hai? If this movie was an hour longer, they could have addressed ISIS and world hunger problem too.

Dilwale: Most of the people who went to watch this movie already knew that the moviewas going to be bad. But how bad, will it break records of being worse than SRK’s last two movies? YES IT DID!!! SRK NEVER FAILS HIS FANS. Later I fell sick for two straight days and my migraine kicked in. If only Rohit Shetty worked as hard on the script as the way he worked on action sequences.

Roy: The entire movie was an acid trip. A bad one to be precise.

Shamitabh: I didn’t expect this from Balki, also in a world where Dhanush watches all the movies made in real life, how did he miss Deewar or Sholey is beyond me. What kind of stupid alternate reality was this? Also no one bullies Amitabh Bachchan.. NO ONE. Also I cannot believe that this emo Goth chick is Shruti Hassan’s real life sister. No..Please no.

Badlapur: A neo noir?? The fuck was up with the setting. Protagonist waits for 20 years for the guy who killed his wife to come out from jail so that he can kill him. And it was always foggy in Badlapur because that is how all the noir locations look like.

Prem Ratan Dhan Payo: I am not ashamed to tell people that I watched Vivah 13 times. But the level of culture and sanskar that this movie puked out was simply out of the world. I felt afraid when thinking about a world filled with such virginal men and women. In the climax, Sonam Kapoor lies on her back and asks Salman Khan to paint his name on her back. Honestly this scene turned me on way more than anything that happened in Hate Story 3. Also how convenient it is to claim that no one knows how a rich king looks like, a rich king who owns a huge palace and a fleet of cars and no one has seen his face.

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Also no Babu Ji? This is blasphemy.

 

That’s all folks, the year ended. Remember Baby and forget Singh is Bling ever existed. Tamasha was Ranbir Kapoor’s only movie and Roy never happened and Salman Khan accidently made a good movie where he didn’t show off his irritating dance skills. Will see you soon with another stupid review on stupid movies that come out this year.

PS: I have just watched poster and trailer for Tera Suroor. This year is not going to disappoint.

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