It was one of the cold December afternoons when my cousin forcefully took me to watch Dabangg 2. This was my first encounter with the legends called Bhaitards. A crowd of hetrosexual males cheering and probably orgasming over shirtless Salman Khan, shouting and hooting to go topless while fighting the villain n all that. I was fascinated by this section of human race that I didn’t know about till now.
I waited for a year for his next film to come out so that I could analyze a little bit more and I got this change when Jai Ho released. There were people who were actually watching the movie again and again so that it reaches the mark of 100 cr. It was their dharma doesn’t matter the movie is good or bad until there is Salman Khan in it.
For me its not Salman Khan because of who I watch his movies, I find his fans more fascinating. How can someone be this jobless and stupid not to understand that each and every Salman Khan movie revolves around the same story, or no story.
My third experience took a jump when I decided to watch Kick in the multiplex in Patna, the crowd of my hometown is more jobless and stupider than any other city that has Salman Khan fans. I think they should take it as a personal insult that try to surpass the level of stupidity these idiots here possess.
The dose of bhaitardiness first started with an item number featuring Nargis Fakiri. While the normal people would set their eyes on the hot body that Nargis has, the bhaitards hooted and jumped over Sallu bhai dancing. After the track ended a bhaitard commented ‘yaar shirt utar kar dance karna chahie tha.’
Bhaitards are very emotional people. They cry everytime Salman Khan attempts to cry. A bhaitard sitting next to me broke into tears then later told his friend rula dia yaar. I mean what the fuck, how can someone cry over that stupid scene. Kick also had a very strong message, it’s really appreciable that Salman Khan has strong views for women’s protection and has immense respect for them and he constantly tries to show that through his movies with message of no to eve tease or harass women. Its ironic that a large part of his fan base comprises of eve teasers and molester who won’t shy away from passing a lewd remark on a woman passing by that moment they step out of the theater.
Coming to Nawazuddin Siddiqui, the level to greatness he has within his acting it would be a matter of his self-esteem go down when he took this role. He was one person who actually killed his role with the enthusiasm, bhaitards were like theek thak acting kar leta hai, lekin Bhai ke samne nahi chal paya. Climax of the film shows Salman Khan killing the villainous Navazuddin in anger and that was the moment when bhaitards went crazy. People didn’t go this excited when USA killed Osama Bin Laden and that was for real. It was like every bhaitard was personally sharing the pain bhai possessed on the screen that Nawaz created for him. So when he died everyone was so much relieved and happy shouting and cheering, group of single men moaning over their favorite actor’s win is not something you get to see on a daily basis after all.
So the movie ended and we left, on my way I am sure that I overheard a bhaitard tell another that bhai gave an Oscar level performance and another on told proudly about how he contributed to the movie’s collection by watching it for 5th time.