Open letter to Shirish Kunder

Last Friday I went through the torture of sitting alone in an empty hall for about One and half hour and going through the torture Joker gave me. I had no high hopes about this movie but it would be cool to see if you went out and did something better after the disaster Tees Maar Khan was, I have a soft corner for underdogs always, but now calling you an underdog would be an insult for underdogs too. Bollywood is a cheesy place and audience make shitty choices (don’t look at me). But it seems that you consider them as total chutiyas who’ll accept everything they get on screen is leaping a step forward especially when you have some prior experience in this field. 
Anyways I watched this movie and lost the time of my life that I am not going to get back now. How cool is the idea of a making a movie about a NASA scientist working in his study room on a million dollar project to contact aliens. But that’s not the weird part. The weird part is the village which at some point in history was never able to make into map of India and was lost, I had high hopes that this village shifted on Sonakshi Sinha’s forehead later but nothing such happened.
The movie proceeds and this NASA scientist who works on a million dollar project in his study room without any help or assistance and lives with Sonakshi Sinha is called for home. Akshay could have adjected all of his lab and equipment on her forehead and saved a lot of space. The way you imagined Paglapur, a damned isolated village of which no one knows but only an autowala. Making a village full of classy madmen who broke out from the asylum during British era and now ruling there. And after villagers explain that they cannot go out of city because it is getting midnight a item number starts without any explanation how did these pretty ladies entered this isolated village in middle of the night, or if they were residents of the village they are never seen again during the entire movie. Also there are no females in the village; it feels weird to think how these villagers reproduced for three generations.  
 After some 15 minutes of drama Akshay decides to stay in the village and make their life better. The torture doubles up by now to an extent that you can’t even imagine. Shreyas Talpade speaks in some random language which everyone understands but not the audience, oh wait I was the only one watching there. Sonakshi Sinha’s accent is weird enough who constantly tries to hide her Bihari accent and changing it into the one they use in call centers and after her shorts and skirts don’t work she returns back to her Chania Choli mode in which she is most comfortable. 
Anyways, after Akshay determined to bring Paglapur right on India’s map he gets this idea of crop circling and calling in the media showing proof that Aliens came to this village. It becomes total chaos to figure out who is the alien here, is Sonakshi already an alien? High chances are of that. Are the villagers aliens? No they are simply villagers. You are an alien for sure, humans cannot think of such disastrous ideas for fellow human beings. FBI approves the crop circles because after millions of episodes on people doing crop circling no-one knows about that in Shirish’s world. Then after alien hoax is exposed Akshay plans to make people dress up as aliens and dance around media. Alien threat is so big that even Army enters Paglapur for investigation, seriously? They don’t have anything better to do? And when everything seems to be falling apart the village is visited by an actual alien (Without you making a cameo) who blesses the village with oil wells. 
A point comes in the movie where everyone seems to stop trying to act, direct or handle camera. The entire movie at parts seems to be shot on handycam or a 12 year old handling the video equipment. The movie could have been an easy satire on Media and politicians, but then it was your frinkin movie so we are not supposed to think about that.
So Paglapur wins and even declares themselves as an independent nation (or something like that) and in the end audience emerges are the actual pagla who decided to watch this movie, oh wait that was just me. I have watched many horrible movies but I can say with total confidence and pride that this was the worst thing I watched this year and in past and for the coming years until you don’t come out with another shit ass movie.

4 thoughts on “Open letter to Shirish Kunder

Add yours

  1. Oh buoy!!! This is something what I wanted to say about this movie……err nautanki. But couldn't shape it into words like you did. May be I am still not in my total concious after watching Joker. But I am trying hard to recover from it. Nice narration. The wit, the sarcasm are awesome bro… hats off once again.

  2. Also…. remember the day when Shahrukh khan slapped Shirish Kunder. That day,I felt really very bad for Shirish.But after watching this movie I think that it was justified. An advance reward from SRK for this movie…….

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