Just Wanted To Talk…Part 1

I have decided to talk. I have decided not to stay in the world of stories that I tell everyone I meet just because I want to escape the reality. Although I have no idea why am I writing this or why I want you people to read this the thing is I just want to
Last week my laptop got stolen. I was the last thing I was most attached to in this world. People who know and I have lived with know this attachment or as they say, my annoying habit. When it was gone I felt like I lost everything. And it’s obvious all I my life’s work went with it. My dream graphic novel, the unfinished blog posts everything. 
Before talking about my laptop let me explain a bit why I am writing this crap. Sometime back I decided to keep my problems up to myself only. If it was 2 or 3 years back I would have called every freakin soul on this planet I knew and let them know about what happened with me. Then I slowly realized that for most of them it is just a matter of gossip and then laugh about it. “Hey he called me” “ohh well he called me too” “haha”. Then something happened, something bad and I kept blaming myself for whatever happened even when I was not there but I believed that if I was there it would not have happened. I went into a shell started living alone with me and my problems haunting the place.
Friends ask you once that what happened and they can ask you twice about what happened but they cannot be there forever. If they are then you must have very awesome friends. The change in my nature and behaviour could be clearly seen. I started shouting at everyone and fighting without reason. My frustration without reason made me short tempered. In today’s world good friends and friends become acquaintances and best friends end up just being friends. This happened with me at that time luckily I got very good ones now who are not going anywhere or at-least I think so for the time being. I did things that I can’t even think about now ultimately I ended up being alone. I made my life a bunch of stories that I kept to escape people, a story for every question and story to escape every answer. With a life like me stories come to you by themselves you don’t need to search for them.
The Anshul who stands before you today is the one from who took experience from that time and then came out of it. I used to be a fighter. I got beaten up by bullies so many times because of my habit of opposing ragging or bullying but I never gave up. Still I decided to give up and refused to come out of that shell without any reason. People like me in such pressure either commit suicide or end up becoming drug addict. I came back after reaching half inch to that situation. People gave up   and decided to leave and I never tried a bit to stop them.
This phase of my life ended after a near dead experience it took me sometime to become what I used to be and decided to leave all the torture I was giving to myself behind and start a new phase of life.
And I did.
The experiences of past let me make a personality, the stories are still the same, I still don’t share everything with everyone but I am not a sadist anymore. Many people reading this post don’t know that what happened with me last week. If you already know then I have made you are part of my life where I can share things with you, if you are reading this after I tagged you in the post or on twitter then only because I wanted to.
You don’t need to tell best friends that you are in certain problem and please call me they know what you are going through and what to do next. There are some trusted friends whom you want to talk to and it depends upon them how they take it. There are sisters who with their concerning questions and later sarcastic remarks try to lighten up your mood and the ones who give the right advice at the right time. And then there are people who you choose not to tell about it because they have been just like that.
After trying to find my laptop and realizing it’s all gone, getting frustrated at police station I felt that I am returning to the same phase again from where I struggled and came out and the only solution that came in front with me that I talk. I let people know how pathetic they are who threw me in this mess few years back. I want to thank those friends who are now standing beside me and their word is enough to keep me safe. I want to let everyone know that it’s me talking and I have decided not to give up, EVER.
I think I turned a little bit serious in this post. Let me tell you a joke (at least I think it is a joke)
Man gets a lie detector with a auto slap feature
Man tastes it on son asks “where were you”
Son: “Tuition”
Detector *slaps*
Son : ok ok went to watch movie
Father: what movie
Son: titanic
Machine slaps again
Son: ok I was watching porn
Father : What the fuck, when I was of your age I didn’t even knew what is porn
This time machine slaps his father
His mother comes laughing says “After all he is your son”
Don’t ask what happened later….
Anyways thanks for reading.
This is part 1 because I’ll be back the next time I feel like talking. Till then cherish your luck.

5 thoughts on “Just Wanted To Talk…Part 1

Add yours

  1. I wish I can completely understand what you are going through, but sadly no one else can understand you in the true sense. For what I know I'd have to fight my fears by my self, everyone else is a spectator. Most ones show concern are rather curious. The moment this reality hits you, it's shriveling and hard.Hold on to it kid, for once you've been through these, you'd have reached higher ground.

  2. Do not let these incidents affect you. And for every 4 jerks around you, you must be having atleast 1 really good friend who will understand you for who you are…So cheer up! There is enough good in this world to keep you happy 🙂

  3. there was a reason that i used to address u as 'kid'.we all have our shares of ups and downs.but gud friends are not those who say they are with u or near u or just a free text away!!friendship comes from mature understanding of our and others' needs and attitudes..u shall always have our shoulders to lean upon n we shall be there not next rather nearby to pat u n cheer u.tears deserve a place in the atmosphere,not in our body.give them a damn fall n brush up for u can never predict the next moment.

  4. first of all, thank you for this post.If i would say i could feel your pain of loosing your "partner". definitely, i would be either faking or making it formal. The epicentre is you and we can only imagine a bit of it. But its proudly make us broad chested (quite different from Vidya balan), in true sense.I always Admired you and you again set another example for us.The best part of this blog is "I want to let everyone know that it’s me talking and I have decided not to give up, EVER".This statement is self defining as well as self- describing in its own way. Thanks for being my twitterGuru, and perpetual Insipring mmaterial.Also, thanks for being my 100th follower.I hope you get me know by now….Thanks

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